I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
