Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
