Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
