I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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