Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
