I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
