God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
