I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
