I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
