Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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