You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Success! We fucked roommates!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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