She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
