you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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