I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
