Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
