"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
