my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
where am i from again
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
