Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
