just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
