dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i came on her dog
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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