I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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