I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize