My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
