I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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