I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
