what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
