rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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