you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
