Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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