I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
