I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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