but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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