I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
