Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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