Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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