Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
