He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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