someone get that fucking seahorse.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
