So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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