Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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