I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
