just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
