he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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