If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
