My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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