fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
