High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
