You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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