What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
love makes seman taste better
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
