ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
