Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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