Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
