a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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