just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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