i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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