Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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