He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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