Michael Bay diarrhea
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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