marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
