she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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