Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
