It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
