I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Still dying that you shit outside
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
