Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
