I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
