he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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