she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
