How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
