Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
