my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
