Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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