Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
