i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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