If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
