alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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