dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
