I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
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you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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